Leroy Son

Before my illustrious position as a customer service rep. I worked in a Chinese restaurant called Asian Cuisine. I waited tables and it was actually fun being a southern white guy in an Asian restaurant. Mr. Wong was the cook and he spoke no english, but his food was amazing. So, like any mischevious person would, I decided to teach Mr. Wong a few choice words in our language to help him understand the waiters more.

I began with simple things at first I went to the freezer and held up a raw chicken, "This is a cock," "Cock?" "Yes!" So he nodded his head and enthusiasm and before you know it we were able to order General Tsao's Cock and Sesame Cock a lot easier. Next came the beef, there were a lot of beef dishes so it was important we get this across to him to make ordering that much more efficient. So when Mr. Wong was cooking some beef for Mongolian beef we pointed and said "Mongo Biatch!" He held up a little peice of the meat and said "Biatch?" So I smiled big and nodded my head and he gave me a thumbs up. This made it much easier to order Biatch and Broccoli instead of having to learn the chinese for it.

The problem eventually came about when Nancy, the owner and manager, was bringing out a case of beef and Mr. Wong said "Ooo Big Biatch!." Suddenly there was Chinese flying everywhere, they were yelling back and forth and while I was trying to fold silverware into napkins Mr. Wong pointed at me while he was yelling in Chinese at Nancy. This is where it becomes fuzzy, I remember her eyes slanting (more than usual) and a Spring Roll suddenly flying for my face, it went dark after that. Apparently it was very stale and I was temporarily blinded.

Needless to say I don't teach other people incorrect words anymore, because it can cause temporary springroll induced blindness. But I did have a man teach me a few choice words today. I also handle whats called a Flexible Spending Accounts for certain companies. This is where employees can put a certain amount of money back out of each check, tax free, for medical expenses. Well since it is tax free it is subject to the IRS guidlines and reimbursement has to be requested by a certain date, usually March 31st. So Mr. Lee calls in and wonders why his request for $4,000.00 was rejected. I advised him that unfortunately he had submitted the request 2 days late and we wouldn't be able to reimburse for the last years expenses anylonger.

Have you ever listened to those Learn Chinese in 1 Month tapes? They start off slow with simple phrases said in English then said again in Chinese. What ensued after I told Mr. Lee the saddening news was a lot like what the last week of that tape series would sound like. He would cuss me out in English, then cuss me out in Chinese and he repeated this several times for about 10 minutes so by the time our conversation was done I had had a crash course in the chinese equivalents for the majority of all the English 4 letter words. Then it sounded as if he broke his desk with his forehead and the call disconnected.

So next time your eating Biatch and Broccoli, think of Ol' Leroy Son! And remember, Wow yao fong pei!

Leroy