Before my illustrious position as a customer service rep. I worked in a Chinese restaurant called Asian Cuisine. I waited tables and it was actually fun being a southern white guy in an Asian restaurant. Mr. Wong was the cook and he spoke no english, but his food was amazing. So, like any mischevious person would, I decided to teach Mr. Wong a few choice words in our language to help him understand the waiters more.
I began with simple things at first I went to the freezer and held up a raw chicken, "This is a cock," "Cock?" "Yes!" So he nodded his head and enthusiasm and before you know it we were able to order General Tsao's Cock and Sesame Cock a lot easier. Next came the beef, there were a lot of beef dishes so it was important we get this across to him to make ordering that much more efficient. So when Mr. Wong was cooking some beef for Mongolian beef we pointed and said "Mongo Biatch!" He held up a little peice of the meat and said "Biatch?" So I smiled big and nodded my head and he gave me a thumbs up. This made it much easier to order Biatch and Broccoli instead of having to learn the chinese for it.
The problem eventually came about when Nancy, the owner and manager, was bringing out a case of beef and Mr. Wong said "Ooo Big Biatch!." Suddenly there was Chinese flying everywhere, they were yelling back and forth and while I was trying to fold silverware into napkins Mr. Wong pointed at me while he was yelling in Chinese at Nancy. This is where it becomes fuzzy, I remember her eyes slanting (more than usual) and a Spring Roll suddenly flying for my face, it went dark after that. Apparently it was very stale and I was temporarily blinded.
Needless to say I don't teach other people incorrect words anymore, because it can cause temporary springroll induced blindness. But I did have a man teach me a few choice words today. I also handle whats called a Flexible Spending Accounts for certain companies. This is where employees can put a certain amount of money back out of each check, tax free, for medical expenses. Well since it is tax free it is subject to the IRS guidlines and reimbursement has to be requested by a certain date, usually March 31st. So Mr. Lee calls in and wonders why his request for $4,000.00 was rejected. I advised him that unfortunately he had submitted the request 2 days late and we wouldn't be able to reimburse for the last years expenses anylonger.
Have you ever listened to those Learn Chinese in 1 Month tapes? They start off slow with simple phrases said in English then said again in Chinese. What ensued after I told Mr. Lee the saddening news was a lot like what the last week of that tape series would sound like. He would cuss me out in English, then cuss me out in Chinese and he repeated this several times for about 10 minutes so by the time our conversation was done I had had a crash course in the chinese equivalents for the majority of all the English 4 letter words. Then it sounded as if he broke his desk with his forehead and the call disconnected.
So next time your eating Biatch and Broccoli, think of Ol' Leroy Son! And remember, Wow yao fong pei!
Leroy
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Super Leroy
When I was a little Leroy there was a little grocery store we would go to, named Jimmie's. It was basically a small country store where people still bagged in only paper and walked stuff out to the car. I loved going to Jimmie's because we would go once a week and it just happened to fall on the day new comics came out. My first comic ever was Superman, it was right there around the Bizzaro series and the Death of Superman that I really got into it. From this point on I was pretty enthralled with Superman, I had the Undies, I ran around a lot with my blanket tied around my neck and I broke my brother's arm with my superhuman strength! (I pushed him off the top bunk of our bunk beds...)
Well as I have grown and became somewhat of an adult I still try to emulate Superman like qualities in my duty as a Customer Service agent. For example by job is to essentially help people, well Superman would take it one step further he would try to improve or even save peoples lives. This is what I do, when someone calls me I give them the kind of service and attention that could very well save their life. I am a hero to the healthcare community. When you have a Claim problem...Leroy is here. If you need lotion for those STDs, I can tell you your copay and what pharmacy to go to. Do you just need someone to talk to?
DO NOT FREAKING CALL ME! I am Super Leroy, I need to help people that have serious problems and need serious help. I am not here for 70+ year old people to call and tell me how they lost their toe in the war. Yes it is an interesting story, but something I can fix? No...
Anyways back on topic, I was feeling especially super Monday, because usually Monday is the worst day and I thought to myself, "If I am Super Leroy on a Monday noone will be able to be a douschbag to me because I being so super nice." So VERY FIRST call I get here is how it goes:
"Good Morning my name is Leroy (Can't say Super Leroy that would give away my secret identity, duh.) how are you on this glorious day?"
" I'm F&%^ing pissed! I hate that stupid computer system you guys have it don't never understand my alphabets."
"I personally apologize for the inconvenience you have experienced with the automated response system. I will forward a suggestion that they have the alphabets recognition worked on. How can I help you today sir?"
"Well I had insurance with yall since my Ma and Pa had it and now yall go and say I ain't covered no more, rejecting my claims and such."
"Okay Sir, looking at your contract it shows that dependents are only covered up until the age of 19, and then they have to be a full time student in college to stay on the policy, are you in college at this time?"
"Hell naws, I aint even been in school since I could drop out. I work on cars now."
"Well I apologize from the deepest valves of my aorta sir, I wish there was more we could do but unfortunately you can no longer remain on your parentals contract."
"Well... piss fire."
"Does that take care of everything for you today sir?"
"Yeah you did a Suuuper job Leroy...real Super."
My secret identity has been discovered...on my first call of the day. I guess it was to hard to disguise my superness. Until next time Have a Splendiferous day from Leroy! *throws down Smoke bombs, POOF* * Runs away...*
Well as I have grown and became somewhat of an adult I still try to emulate Superman like qualities in my duty as a Customer Service agent. For example by job is to essentially help people, well Superman would take it one step further he would try to improve or even save peoples lives. This is what I do, when someone calls me I give them the kind of service and attention that could very well save their life. I am a hero to the healthcare community. When you have a Claim problem...Leroy is here. If you need lotion for those STDs, I can tell you your copay and what pharmacy to go to. Do you just need someone to talk to?
DO NOT FREAKING CALL ME! I am Super Leroy, I need to help people that have serious problems and need serious help. I am not here for 70+ year old people to call and tell me how they lost their toe in the war. Yes it is an interesting story, but something I can fix? No...
Anyways back on topic, I was feeling especially super Monday, because usually Monday is the worst day and I thought to myself, "If I am Super Leroy on a Monday noone will be able to be a douschbag to me because I being so super nice." So VERY FIRST call I get here is how it goes:
"Good Morning my name is Leroy (Can't say Super Leroy that would give away my secret identity, duh.) how are you on this glorious day?"
" I'm F&%^ing pissed! I hate that stupid computer system you guys have it don't never understand my alphabets."
"I personally apologize for the inconvenience you have experienced with the automated response system. I will forward a suggestion that they have the alphabets recognition worked on. How can I help you today sir?"
"Well I had insurance with yall since my Ma and Pa had it and now yall go and say I ain't covered no more, rejecting my claims and such."
"Okay Sir, looking at your contract it shows that dependents are only covered up until the age of 19, and then they have to be a full time student in college to stay on the policy, are you in college at this time?"
"Hell naws, I aint even been in school since I could drop out. I work on cars now."
"Well I apologize from the deepest valves of my aorta sir, I wish there was more we could do but unfortunately you can no longer remain on your parentals contract."
"Well... piss fire."
"Does that take care of everything for you today sir?"
"Yeah you did a Suuuper job Leroy...real Super."
My secret identity has been discovered...on my first call of the day. I guess it was to hard to disguise my superness. Until next time Have a Splendiferous day from Leroy! *throws down Smoke bombs, POOF* * Runs away...*
Friday, June 16, 2006
Leroy of the Dead
Usually I just talk to the cardholder or subscribers at work but recently they have trained me to take calls where the provider (or doctors office/hospital) is calling to check on the benefits for the patient. These calls are usually really blad and the people show no emotion and its a get on get the information get off type of call. Which is one of the reasons I havnt had much to post lately.
Julie with an OB-GYNs office called and wanted to get Pap Smear and general Routine benefits for her patient. So I told her at what percentage we would cover it and etc. So then she asked when the patient was effective on the contract and if they were still covered.
So I looked at the information she had had insurance with us since like 1978 and she was canceled... hmm... reason: Subscriber Deceased!
"Well Julie...the patients coverage did cancel on may 30th of this year. Is she coming in today?"
"Yes actually she is standing right here do you need to talk to her?"
"No but is this a sick visit or just her routine checkup?"
"Its just a regular checkup, shes actually pretty healthy looking. Whats the cancelation reason of the contract?"
"It says here cancelation is because the member is deceased..."
"Oh... thats odd let me call you back."
She never did call me back and I can only think of two reasons. The first is the lady called into work dead one to many times and they took her siously and canceled her insurance. Or she was a zombie and ended up eating everyone in the doctors office when they tried to give her a papsmear. Eww....
Maybe I should try calling in dead to work...anyways until next time.
Leroy
Julie with an OB-GYNs office called and wanted to get Pap Smear and general Routine benefits for her patient. So I told her at what percentage we would cover it and etc. So then she asked when the patient was effective on the contract and if they were still covered.
So I looked at the information she had had insurance with us since like 1978 and she was canceled... hmm... reason: Subscriber Deceased!
"Well Julie...the patients coverage did cancel on may 30th of this year. Is she coming in today?"
"Yes actually she is standing right here do you need to talk to her?"
"No but is this a sick visit or just her routine checkup?"
"Its just a regular checkup, shes actually pretty healthy looking. Whats the cancelation reason of the contract?"
"It says here cancelation is because the member is deceased..."
"Oh... thats odd let me call you back."
She never did call me back and I can only think of two reasons. The first is the lady called into work dead one to many times and they took her siously and canceled her insurance. Or she was a zombie and ended up eating everyone in the doctors office when they tried to give her a papsmear. Eww....
Maybe I should try calling in dead to work...anyways until next time.
Leroy
70+ Law
I like old people, Im related to a few of them actually. But it never ceases to amaze me that at a certain age the mind starts to slip. Here are a few facts you should know about older people.
They have spent the last 70 years learning things and their head is full, it doesnt matter how many times you explain the same thing over and over again they are not going to get it because they are done learning... forever.
They are very picky and they hate when things change mostly due to the first fact but also because its the way it has "always been done!."
They have everything in the world possibly wrong with them there is no reason an insurance company should deny anything they have done, atleast that is the way they feel.
While they cannot learn anything new they do remember every little detail about the last 70+ years of there life and will be happy to divulge all 70+ years of it no matter what question you ask.
When people reach this age they should only be able to call loved ones and friends or not be able to have a phone at all. The following stories are two cases to prove my point:
Mrs. Casey called me today and wanted to update me with her new insurance card information she got in the mail that day. She was a very sweet old lady in her 80s but she did have a problem that when she talked it sounded like she was crying, her voice just just quavered really weird and it took her forever to say a sentence. So I asked her for the insurance company's name and she said CITI Financial, then I asked for the ID # and she gave me like a 16 digit #, 5 minutes later I asked for the effective date she says,
"There isnt an effective date, but there is a cancel date.."
Curious I asked, "Well what is that?"
" August of 2012."
This tipped me off...the poor lady had not gotten a new insurance card she was giving me her credit card information.
"Mam is there a large black strip on the back of the card?"
"Actually, yes there is..."
"Mam that is a credit card..."
"NO! Its my new insurance card!"
"Okay mam I have that updated for you..." (I just gave up.)
The second is where Mr. Johnson called us and was quite furious.
" I want you to know this is probably the 30th time I have called in about this and I am furious! Everytime I call in for the same thing and nothing has been done."
I think we have seriously messed up this guys insurance and this is not going to be a great call.
"Well Ill be happy to help you with whatever your problem is Mr. Johnson."
"Well I hope you can do better than the 50 other people I talked to about this. Here is my problem when you send me out the paper copies of the claim reports, they are to big to fit in my file cabinet."
This seriously better not be this mans problem...
"And?"
"And what? Thats my problem, I have to just stack these things up everywhere because they wont fit in my cabinet!"
"Im sorry sir but I dont think we can change the size of the paper we print these out on just so you can fit them in your filing cabinet."
"Im not asking you to change the size for everyone just for me, it cant be that hard."
"Well actually sir the claim reports are all generated on the day they are processed by a large printing press so we cant print them out individually."
"Well thats a bunch of Bull(#&@! what am I supposed to do with these?"
"My personal suggestion would be to cut them, fold them or buy a bigger cabinet sir."
"Will my insurance pay for that?"
"No sir."
"I want to speak to your manager!"
So I transfered him to my manager and she laughed in his face. And this my friends is why people 70+ should not have phones.
Leroy
They have spent the last 70 years learning things and their head is full, it doesnt matter how many times you explain the same thing over and over again they are not going to get it because they are done learning... forever.
They are very picky and they hate when things change mostly due to the first fact but also because its the way it has "always been done!."
They have everything in the world possibly wrong with them there is no reason an insurance company should deny anything they have done, atleast that is the way they feel.
While they cannot learn anything new they do remember every little detail about the last 70+ years of there life and will be happy to divulge all 70+ years of it no matter what question you ask.
When people reach this age they should only be able to call loved ones and friends or not be able to have a phone at all. The following stories are two cases to prove my point:
Mrs. Casey called me today and wanted to update me with her new insurance card information she got in the mail that day. She was a very sweet old lady in her 80s but she did have a problem that when she talked it sounded like she was crying, her voice just just quavered really weird and it took her forever to say a sentence. So I asked her for the insurance company's name and she said CITI Financial, then I asked for the ID # and she gave me like a 16 digit #, 5 minutes later I asked for the effective date she says,
"There isnt an effective date, but there is a cancel date.."
Curious I asked, "Well what is that?"
" August of 2012."
This tipped me off...the poor lady had not gotten a new insurance card she was giving me her credit card information.
"Mam is there a large black strip on the back of the card?"
"Actually, yes there is..."
"Mam that is a credit card..."
"NO! Its my new insurance card!"
"Okay mam I have that updated for you..." (I just gave up.)
The second is where Mr. Johnson called us and was quite furious.
" I want you to know this is probably the 30th time I have called in about this and I am furious! Everytime I call in for the same thing and nothing has been done."
I think we have seriously messed up this guys insurance and this is not going to be a great call.
"Well Ill be happy to help you with whatever your problem is Mr. Johnson."
"Well I hope you can do better than the 50 other people I talked to about this. Here is my problem when you send me out the paper copies of the claim reports, they are to big to fit in my file cabinet."
This seriously better not be this mans problem...
"And?"
"And what? Thats my problem, I have to just stack these things up everywhere because they wont fit in my cabinet!"
"Im sorry sir but I dont think we can change the size of the paper we print these out on just so you can fit them in your filing cabinet."
"Im not asking you to change the size for everyone just for me, it cant be that hard."
"Well actually sir the claim reports are all generated on the day they are processed by a large printing press so we cant print them out individually."
"Well thats a bunch of Bull(#&@! what am I supposed to do with these?"
"My personal suggestion would be to cut them, fold them or buy a bigger cabinet sir."
"Will my insurance pay for that?"
"No sir."
"I want to speak to your manager!"
So I transfered him to my manager and she laughed in his face. And this my friends is why people 70+ should not have phones.
Leroy
Hi, Im dead!
I hate when people pretend to be someone they are not. People will call in all the time with a deep manly voice and say, Hi my name is Sue Walker, or a barely audible old person voice will say they are 18 and their granddaughter. Usually I can catch them at this when the say something like, "Well her bill..." or "Well She said.." And I'm like who is She I thought you were her? Then its usually quiet for like a minute and they say "Well Im her cousin and I have power of attorney" So I make them fax it to me. And some people will deny it and keep saying they are that person no matter what.
So Tuesday I got a call from a supposed Mrs Sanderson. She called and for a 95 year old lady was extremely lively and chipper. So I asked her what her date of birth was and address and blood type etc trying to weasel this woman out of saying she wasnt really Mrs. Sanderson, then I saw it...
"So Mrs. Sanderson, (if you really are the real Mrs. Sanderson..) how can I help you today?"
"Well I need to see why this claim on April the 8th wasnt paid for."
"Okay, Let me check that for you."
So I put her on hold and looked at the claim and it said it rejected because she was no longer covered on the insurance. Well that was strange usually I notice that on the front page that pops up. So I check and sure enough it canceled April 7th, reason of cancelation: Death. Immediately I think of one of my favorite T.V. shows, The Medium, where this lady that talks to the dead and helps solve problems that were left unsolved. First thing I thought was I have the power to talk to the dead and I need to help this lady get her claim paid so she can rest in peace.
" Well Mrs. Sanderson it looks like the Dr. Filed the wrong Date of service, so if you dont mind holding i'll call them for you and make sure thay have that correct."
"That would be great, do you need anything from me?"
"Well I know I am supposed to be helping you out and all so you can rest in peace, but I do have something I have always wondered, Is Elvis really dead?"
"Leroy, how am I supposed to know that?"
"Well you are no longer with us Mrs. Sanderson...I dont know if you remember this or not but you passed away on April 7th of this year."
"Leroy, this is Mrs. Sandersons daughter..."
Damn it all...I was hoping I would get my own primetime T.V. show on Lifetime. Maybe next time.
Leroy
So Tuesday I got a call from a supposed Mrs Sanderson. She called and for a 95 year old lady was extremely lively and chipper. So I asked her what her date of birth was and address and blood type etc trying to weasel this woman out of saying she wasnt really Mrs. Sanderson, then I saw it...
"So Mrs. Sanderson, (if you really are the real Mrs. Sanderson..) how can I help you today?"
"Well I need to see why this claim on April the 8th wasnt paid for."
"Okay, Let me check that for you."
So I put her on hold and looked at the claim and it said it rejected because she was no longer covered on the insurance. Well that was strange usually I notice that on the front page that pops up. So I check and sure enough it canceled April 7th, reason of cancelation: Death. Immediately I think of one of my favorite T.V. shows, The Medium, where this lady that talks to the dead and helps solve problems that were left unsolved. First thing I thought was I have the power to talk to the dead and I need to help this lady get her claim paid so she can rest in peace.
" Well Mrs. Sanderson it looks like the Dr. Filed the wrong Date of service, so if you dont mind holding i'll call them for you and make sure thay have that correct."
"That would be great, do you need anything from me?"
"Well I know I am supposed to be helping you out and all so you can rest in peace, but I do have something I have always wondered, Is Elvis really dead?"
"Leroy, how am I supposed to know that?"
"Well you are no longer with us Mrs. Sanderson...I dont know if you remember this or not but you passed away on April 7th of this year."
"Leroy, this is Mrs. Sandersons daughter..."
Damn it all...I was hoping I would get my own primetime T.V. show on Lifetime. Maybe next time.
Leroy
Mother Phonetics
I used to work for a sporting goods stores and I sold firearms. Anytime someone bought a firearm they would have to fill out this complicated form and couldn't have any mistakes on the form. Then I would have the call it in the Feds and they would run an immediate background check and give me an "A-Okay" or "Keep them busy until we get there!." The crazy thing was when you talked to the Feds you had to spell everything out with Phonetics like: A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo, etc.
Well with the job I have now everyone has a contract number with 3 letters and then 9 numbers. And people have the worst time trying to get our Vocie Response system to understand the letters. They will say E-D-U and it'll respond "You said T- P- U?" so by the time they get to me they're pissed off and they phonetically want to spell everything out to you, here are some of my favorites:
P as in Paul, P as in Paul, A as in ASSHOLE COMPUTER SYSTEM!
A as in Apple, B as in Boy, P as in Cox ( That was her last name... but she must have had something dirty on her mind.)
M as in Mother, S as in Suckin, and F as in (Well it rhymes with Suckin and Starts with an F, she was really mad...)
E as in Education, D as in Education, and U as in Education.
X as in Exciting...
then I said "Wait do you mean E?"
No I mean X as in Exciting.
"You know that Exciting starts with an E right?"
Yes I know that but Exciting has the X sound in it...gah.."
Well with the job I have now everyone has a contract number with 3 letters and then 9 numbers. And people have the worst time trying to get our Vocie Response system to understand the letters. They will say E-D-U and it'll respond "You said T- P- U?" so by the time they get to me they're pissed off and they phonetically want to spell everything out to you, here are some of my favorites:
P as in Paul, P as in Paul, A as in ASSHOLE COMPUTER SYSTEM!
A as in Apple, B as in Boy, P as in Cox ( That was her last name... but she must have had something dirty on her mind.)
M as in Mother, S as in Suckin, and F as in (Well it rhymes with Suckin and Starts with an F, she was really mad...)
E as in Education, D as in Education, and U as in Education.
X as in Exciting...
then I said "Wait do you mean E?"
No I mean X as in Exciting.
"You know that Exciting starts with an E right?"
Yes I know that but Exciting has the X sound in it...gah.."
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