Friday, August 10, 2007

Baby Fat

I'm a little "husky" myself but it amazed me how people want a quick fix for their "fat" problems. There are all type of procedures out there to lose weight quick, suck out the fat, and turn your stomach into a tube straight out your rectum. What happened to just good old excercise and diet? What happened to not eating every meal at Mc'Donalds and never stepping outside, except to sprint in to every place you go. Which brings me to a conversation I had this morning:

"Good Morning, this is Leroy, how can I help you today?"
" I was calling because my doctor told me I need to join an excercise program to help lose some weight."
" I am sorry miss, but exercise programs are not eligible under your Health Insurance."
" But my Doctor recommended it due to medical reasons."
" What is the medical reason, mam?"
"I have baby fat."
" I am sorry but Baby Fat is not a medical diagnosis and your youngest child is 17, I am sorry but this is just not a service covered on your insurance."
" But the doctor said I need to try Pilates to lose some weight."
" I am sorry mam but if Jesus him self came down from heaven with a flaming sword on a chariot of water and feathers and told me right now that he recommended you have pilates it would still not be covered."
" I don't believe in Jesus anyway..."
"Have a good day mam."

Maybe I still have baby fat from when I was born. Maybe I'll have the surgery where my stomach is bypassed to shoot food straight out my rectum. Ta Ta for now,


Thursday, August 09, 2007

From the Files of Leroy...

So there has been quite a length of time since I posted on the website here and you are probably wondering why. Well, it has been a rough time for me since the last post. I had a death in my family that hit me really hard, I had a birth in the family that is freaking awesome, and I made love to some family which was really akward. (Just kidding...)

We have a prgram at the company I work for where you take money out of your check, pre-tax, to fund a little debit card for medical expenses. The key word here is Medical Expenses. You would not believe the kind of crap people try to use their cards for and think it is okay. For example...

" Hello this is Leroy, How can I help you today?"
" Why ain't my card workin Leroy? It worked yesterday at the pharmacy and now it ain't working."
"Well looking at your account I don't see anything that would hold it up, let me pull up your transaction history and I'll try and see why it is rejecting."

So I look it up and quickly see that this man is retarded.

"Sir, where are you trying to use the card at?"
"I'm using it at the hospital! Ain't no reason this shouldn't work! It's MY MONEY!"
"Well sir, do me a favor and look around you and ask yourself if where you are at really looks like a hospital."
"Don't look like a hospital but it is across the street from it."
"It very well may be true that the Shell Station the card is being used at is close to the hospital but unfortunately sir you cannot use the card to purchase gas at the pump."

Also had a lady try to use the card at a Chik-fil-A in the hospital before. She couldn't understand why it wouldn't work there. I asked her if she thought it should work at a Chik-fil-A in the mall? She said, "No, it's in the Mall! You can't use a medical savings card at the mall, I've tried!!"

Fish in a Barrel... Until next time, Leroy!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday is for Retards

I don't know what it is about Friday, but we always receive the highest volume of retarded people calling in on this day. It never fails I will have these following questions atleast 10-20 times on a Friday, where as on Monday- Thursday I will get these questions 1-5 times.

Retarded Question #1: I see there is a fax number on this form, can I fax it to this number?

No, we put the fax number on the form so you can send us questions, then we'll fax the answer back to you...

Retarded Question #2: When I fax this form in with my receipts, do I need to fax the original receipts?

Yes sir, because we get that actual crumpled yellow peice of paper with the chewing tobacco stains come through the fax machine. It makes me want to ask this question, When you put something in the fax machine it does come back out right?

Retarded Question #3: Im trying to fax this form in to you guys but the line is busy, what should I do?

Keep trying...

Usually I try and be understanding and caring, because I know that people can't know everything about their Medical Savings Account. But the above questions are pretty straight forward and should be able to be answered even before they are spoken. What really gets me is some of these people will call us and hold for 10 minutes before they get one of us and still have this question in their mind.

I know its been a while and there were some rumors I was dead but I am trying to make a comeback, until next time... LEEEEROOOOYYYYY!!!

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Perfect Storm

I honestly feel for any one that had to suffer the effects of Katrina. I had probably hundreds of calls from Katrina victims and people who had family that were victims of Katrina. And from watching that Spike Lee joint I understand that many people are still suffering. With the Medical Savings accounts I handle now for a time we would "forgive" people if they were in a Katrina affected area and had lost their receipts. But a lot of times people like to take advantage of the system.

"Good Morning this is Leroy, may I have your name please?"
"Yeah dis is Mr. Wilbur, I was callin on that Cafeteria plan, where I got the Visa card and all."
"Right, I'd be happy to help you Mr. Wilbur, whats the problem?"
"We'll I lost some receipts in the hurricane and I need one of those forms so I can get forgiven for them."
"Oh, is this for where you used the card last year and don't have the receipts due to katrina?"
"Yeah that's it."
"Okay sir what was the date of the card swipe?"
"That would be May 27th of 2006 for 20$ and June 3rd for 15$, both at Wally World."
"Well sir..the Hurricane happened well over a year ago, I don't think you lost the receipts because of that."
"Yes I DID!"
"Can you explain how those receipts were lost?"
"When Katrina came it washed away my house and the receipts were in there."
"Sir, Katrina hit in August of 2005 I don't think it washed away your receipts."
"I says it did!"
"Sir do you still live on 555 Made up Road?"
"I've lived there for 5 years!"
"Sir that address is in Missouri, it wasn't directly affected by the hurricane and we won't be able to forgive you for that."
"Dangit, I told Shirley that wouldn't work..."

Maybe Katrina is the reason I can't find matching socks in my house. Until next time, Leroy!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Prince Leroy

I know that you can't sample my illustrius vocal chords by reading this, but just so you know I have a marvelous voice. I am not sure what it is about my voice but women melt at the sound of it, some guys do too...but that is just weird. I try and take my job very seriously and provide the highest level of customer service available, but what happens when someone falls in love with me and I have to gently let them down?

"Good morning this is Leroy, may I have your name please?"
"This is Mrs. Marigold, I sure hope you can help me Leroy."
"I'll do everything I can..what is the problem Mrs. Marigold?"
"Well I have a Medical Savings account with you guys and I have forgotten about it and it is getting so close to the end of the year and I have not submitted anything. I am afraid I am going to lose all that money. *sob*"
"Mrs. Marigold...(deep resonant sex and chocolate) I'm happy to say I can help you. We also handle your insurance so I can pull over those claims and reimburse you your full two-thousand dollars. you'll have it in about 7-10 days."
"*gasp* Leroy!"
"Yes mam?"
"I love you..."
"Sorry Mam, but I am married."
"To bad..I was gonna ask you out for drinks, have a good night Leroy."

Lucky for you all my velvet vochals can't drift through my typing or all of your loins would be frothing for Leroy. Until next time, Leroy.

Friday, September 29, 2006

You can't Escape Leroy!!

Contrary to popular belief there arn't a whole lot of people in my area that takes the kind of calls that I do. So at a certain point in the day where people are on break or leave early it is quite possible I am the only one here. This situation can actually make for a lot of comedy.

"Good Afternoon this is Leroy, how can I help you today?"
"Well you can get your act together for one thing. I am so sick of yall messing with MY money. MY money not your money, and I want it corrected right now!"
"I'm happy to assist you, whats the problem?"
"Well you are rejecting my claims..I need to know WHY and then I need you to send me a check."
"I'm apologize mam but your insurance canceled as of September 1st, that is why we are rejecting these claims."
"No it didn't cancel...send me my check."
"I'm sorry but it really did cancel."
"No it didn't."
"If it wasn't supposed to cancel you will want to contact your Human Resources with your employer at 1-866-555-5555."
" FINE! I Will call them!!!"

5 Mins later...

"Good afternoon this is Leroy may I have your name please?"
"I am so sick of getting you Leroy...this is Mrs. Bailey."
"Did you call the number I gave you Mrs. Bailey?"
"No because you are going to reinstate my insurance."
"I can't reinstate it mam that has to come from your employer so you will want to call that number I gave you."

3 mins later...
"Good afternoon this is Leroy h-"
"&^%$*# *#@!@*! @#$%!!!!"
"Mrs. Bailey is that you?"
"Yes! And I want your Job!"
"I can assure you that you do not want my job Mrs. Bailey."
"NO! I want you to get fired! You are playing games with me!!"
"All I am doing is answering the phone Mrs. Bailey. Did you call the number I gave you? They can reinstate your insurance..."
"Well I hope they can fire yo &%$ too!!! GOODBYE FOREVER LEROY!"

3 mins later...I WENT HOME! Until next time this is Leroy signing out.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Conartist Grannies

Yesterday on my way home from work I looked down and my gaslight was on. So I turned into the shell station and pulled my car up to the tank. I hopped out took my gas cap off and started pumping. I finished and went inside and paid. When I came out of the gas station there was this feeble old lady standing next to my car with a big smile on her face.

"Excuse me sonny, can you help me?"
"I'll do what I can..whats the matter mam?"
"I don't know how to pump gas, my husband has always done it for me and hes at home sick. Will you pump my gas for me?"

For a minute or two I just stare at the lady. I mean she is like 80+ years old and she has never pumped gas before? And is it really that hard to figure out? If she had said, "Hey I'm an old fart with Athritis and I can't physically do it." Then that I could understand. But never pumped it before?! Something was amiss here...

"Well I'll do a two for one deal. I'll show you how to pump gas while I do it. That sound okay?"
"That would be great. I'm in that Lincoln Town Car over there."
"The one that is like 20 feet long? (the Land Yacht that noone that can't pump gas should be driving?)"
"Yes that's it."

So I mosey on over and start to show her how it's done. This is where Leroy the Customer Service rep really kicked in.

"This is called the gas cap, you work it much like a Mason jar or a jar of Bama Mayonaise. Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey. Repeat that for me."
"Righty Tighty, Left Loosey."
"Good, next you want to remove the Gas pump. Like the shaft into the hole and squeeze it good and tight. When the tank is full it will pop a little bit. Don't be scared. Then you place it back onto the pump and your done. Well ya gotta remember to put the gas cap back on."
"Righty Tighty..Lefty Loosey. Thank you ever so much sir."
"All in a days work!"

And then she gave me a nickle and got in her Land Yacht and left. It wasn't until I was almost home that I realized I forgot to teach her one of the most important lessons in pumping gas.
Paying for it.

So next time you are out pumping gas beware the Conartist Grannies. Until next time, Leroy.