Mother Goose and my Golden Eggs

When I was a young boy I used to go to the state park for a summer
program. Basically my mom would drop me off and go to work and come and
pick me up after. I experienced several firsts and learned many of
life's lessons while at the camp. For example I had my first kiss at
this camp, my first case of dehydration, and I learned to watch where
you walk because horses will drop a load anywhere and it goes ankle
deep. But one of the most important lessons I learned is hell hath no
fury like a womans scorn, particularly women that are mothers.
There was a huge lake all around the park and me and the gang always
sat at a picnic table on the back end of the lake. As we were eating
lunch one day I walked down by the edge of the lake and walked around it
eating my sandwich and throwing the crust to the fish. I came upon a
large cluster of bushes and a flash of white caught my eye on the ground
around them. On the ground were about 3 of the biggest eggs I had ever
seen. Being the retard I was I decided to take one back to show my
friends. My finger had just touched the egg at the bushes exploded and
the biggest goose I had ever seen came right at me knocking me flat on
my back. This is where I also learned another important lesson, that
women go for the weakest part on a man first.
With a raging honk and the thunder of flapping wings, the goose bit me
in the nuts. At this point I saw a flash of white pain and then
blackness. I came awake a few moments later at the picnic table with my
friends, they had ran off the goose and pretty much saved my life and
the life of my future children. I had no friends to save me
yesterday...
Our wonderful government in the interest of protecting its citizens has
made it where I cannot release private health information over the
telephone, even if its for the person calling me. And I especially cant
release any information to anyone that is not on the contract. This
cause a lot of frustration and anger on the customers end, which I
sympathize with because I take the heat from these calls.
Mrs. Johnson called me yesterday, the first thing I noticed was she was
not on the contract, so I asked what her relationhip to Mr. Smith was,
her reply was:
"I was his lova, and I had his babies! And I need to axe a question on
ma babies!"
"Well Mrs. Johnson just so you know due to HIPPA privacy laws I can
only release general information regarding the subscribers on the
contract, so how can I help you today?"
"Aww hell naw, you telling me I can't find out about MY babies? I was
in labor for 7 hours cause he passed down his big headedness and you
telling me I cant axe a quarstion about MY Babies?!"
"No mam, you can ask a question about the children on the contract but
i can't give you Private information on the children."
"Oh okay...What I want to know is if my daughter is on birth
control...because I am afraid she is sleeping around and I dont want her
having to marry some idiot like I did."
"Yeah im sorry Mrs. Johnson but i can't tell you if she is on birth
control or not, That is private health information."
"Oh hell naw, you gonna tell me and you gonna tell me right now. Now go
ahead tell me, yes or no."
"I cant tell you.."
"Yes you can and you will."
"I really can't mam due to privacy laws."
"I don't care about no George Bush's damn laws! I voted for him on
accident the first time he was president but I sho didnt vote for him
last time, now tell me if my daughter is on birth control."
"I'm sorry mam but I can't release that information."
"Well I think that is a pile of &^%$ and just so you know, Jesus doesnt
love you and you gonna burn in hell!"

Just remember the next time you mess with a mother's baby, they know
what Jesus thinks and Jesus doesnt like HIPPA privacy laws. -Leroy