Leroy and Jesus

I try to be a good Christian and read my bible and pray to God as much
as possible. I generally go to church on Sundays and I actively believe
Jesus is my savior. Living in the bible belt of Alabama, church was a
large part of our life. I was saved at summer church camp and was
dragged in and out of church by my mother my whole life. I grew up in
church making friends with people in my youth group. But something I
just realized is I have never experienced a miracle.
Apparently miracles happen in all sorts of strange and mysterious
ways. Mother Mary can be seen in a peice of cheese toast on Ebay, Jesus
is sighted in many a mildew stain on basement walls, and even the
condensation/tears on a statue have brought healing to plantars warts
and other great ailments. As a kid I always prayed for what I thought a
miracle was, like an A on my test, a million dollars buried in the
backyard, and I specifically remember asking for Jesus to talk to me
outloud.
Every morning when I come in to work I turn my computer on, adjust
my chair, and pray. I ask that Jesus help me with all my calls, I ask
that he give me peace of mind and a spirit of calmness when I talk to
our subscribers. Then I sign into the phone and start taking calls. One
morning Jesus called me about his insurance. ( This is something even as
I wrote it I had to sit and stew on it a minute...its a very profound
statement. )
Yes I know what your thinking, a spanish man with the name Jesus
(heyzeus) Martinez called me and had a question. But that is not the
case, Jesus called me and wanted to know if a surgical procedure to
remove his galbladder was covered. Here's how it went:
"Good morning my name is Leroy, may I have your name please?"
"Good morning my name is Jesus and I work for Home Depot I need to
check and see if a procedure is covered."
When we talk to customer for grading purpose there can not be a
period of silence greater than 20 seconds. I'm glad I did not get graded
on this call because there had to be 2 minutes of silence at this point.
"Well....... Jesus... what is your last name so I can verify your
benefits?"
"Oh just call me Jesus"
"And what is your mother's first name?"
"Umm is that really pertinent to my question?"
At this point I was bound and determined to find out if this was the real Jesus.
"No, Jesus your correct, I have to verify that on other contracts, thats my mistake. (But he would know that wouldn't he?) What is the surgical procedure your having?"
"It will be a surgical procedure to remove my gallbladder."
"Yeah that would be considered under your out-patient surgery benefits, Jesus, may I have your telephone number for our records?"
"Listen Leroy, I am not here to help you...you are here to help me. I just need you to help me when I ask okay?"
Jesus needed me to help him, like the great commision! I was to take his gospel around the world and share it from one nation to the next!! I was to be a missionary for Jesus! And he had just called and told me, himself!
"So was there anything else I can help you with, Jesus?"
"Actually there is one more thing, I need a colonoscopy and a colon cleansing what are my benefits for that?"
Then it hit me, why would Jesus need a colonoscopy?

Jesus my ass...

Well hope this makes up for my absence, the calls keep coming and the fun never stops, until next time! - Leroy