Hold me Gently Part 1

In the customer service world we are graded on our calls in three areas. The first is talk time, which is how long the average of all our calls last, we have to keep this around two minutes and 45 seconds. Second is if we gave them the right information and third is how often we sign off the phone. I am a pro at talk time because I can multi-task really well and I try to never put people on hold.

The problem with never putting people on hold is that they are to used to being put on hold by everyone else in the whole world. So when I say, " Just a second while I pull that up!" They think I am no longer on the phone and won't hear anything they say because there is a few seconds of silence. I often hear very informing information on these slip ups, and they are almost always humorous. I have written a lot of these down and I thought I would share a few periodically.

"Just a second while I pull that up!"
"This guy I have on the phone is so daft its not funny... he said Good Morning and its 1:15 here!"
(Yeah...she was two time zones away...didn't wanna break it to here who was really daft)

"Just a second while I pull that up!"
"Mother $^%&er! C*&^ Sucking! Stupid Hold! Son of a.."
"Thanks for holding for me.."
"Oh No problem, happy to!"

"Just a second while I pull that up!"
"Hes got me on hold Jerry, lemme show you how you do that, you gotta push it in real hard but dont bend it all up you'll never straighten it back out if you do. Now look! You done yanked it out again!"
"I'm back..."
"Whew that was quick!"

"Just a second while I pull that up!"
"This guy is a moron.."
"Yeah the moron is still here."
"Oh shit..."

"Just a second while I pull that up!"
"Doobie Doobie Do...two lonely people...Doobie Doobie do..."
"Strangers in the Night...thats a good song."
"Yeah...I thought I was on hold."
"By all means, continue!"