When I was in middle school we had a contest to see who could come up with a practical and useful invention. I came up with an Automatic Dog Feeder, because at that time I hated tromping out to the dog pen in my underwear and boots just to feed the dogs. So I decided if I only had to fill a bin up once a week it would be a lot better. So I made the thing that would distribute portions of dog food into the bowls beneath them with the pull of a string. It worked great for a while until the dogs learned to pull the string anytime they were hungry.
Later on in life about the time when Listerine Strips became a big thing I thought of a similar invention. Deodorant strips. They work just like Listerine Strips. You pull one out of the pocket size packet and slap it on your armpit and it dissolves and refreshes your deodorant/antiperspirant. So I juggled the idea around for a month or so and tried to figure out how to do it and finally gave up. But it's still funny some of the inventions and especially the infomercials that are constantly coming out. Which brings me to a call I had yesterday...
"Good morning this is Leroy, how can I help you today?"
"Hey Leroy this is Mrs. Darby and I was watching T.V. early this morning and saw something that I wanted to purchase through my insurance."
"Sure we can definately check and see if it's covered or not by your insurance, what is it mam?"
"Well I'm sure it's covered Chuck Norris said most insurances cover it. It's the Total Gym, it has over 80 Excercises I can do, and could supplement my Physical therapy I am taking."
"Well...I'm sorry to say mam but unfortunately that is considered a convenience item and is not covered by your medical insurance."
"But Chuck Norris said it would be covered..."
"Well I agree that Chuck Norris may be a modern medical miracle since I heard he healed someone with a roundhouse kick, and his blood cures AIDS, but unfortunately he is not a medical doctor...and even if it was prescribed by one it would still not be covered."
"Well I am highly upset that this is not covered by my insurance since it would greatly improve my health and probably save you money in the long run."
"I understand your frustration mam but we cannot cover something of that nature. And for future reference we don't cover the Abberciser or the Thighmaster, even when reccomended by a Martial Arts master."
"Well...thanks for nothing Leroy."
Even though he could wipe out 7 generations of my family tree with a roundhouse kick to the face, Chuck Norris is no match for Leroy the Customer Service Rep. Until next time, Leroy!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Saquatch Sighting
Some say I was born with chest hair. I don't know what caused it but I am a pretty hairy man. I'll put it this way...I've been naked before around people and no one has noticed. It's not so bad I feel I need to trim it back or have it surgically removed but it's there none the less. I've jokingly been called Sasquatch by my friends on several occasions but I have never been mistaken as an actual Sasquatch sighting, but I think I talked to one on the phone.
"Good Morning this is Leroy how can I help you today?"
"Hi Leroy, this is Mr. Henderson. You can call me Harry. I need to see if laser hair removal is covered under my insurance policy."
"Well sir unfortunately not, laser hair removal is considered cosmetic and not related to an actual medical diagnosis."
"Oh but it is for a medical condition..It's not cosmetic."
"What is the medical condition sir?"
"I have extreme hair growth all over my body. It's really bad..."
"It's still cosmetic sir, it's not an actual disease or medical condition."
"You do not understand how much hair there is... When I shave I get horrible bumps all over my body."
"Yes sir that's razor burn common side affect of shaving."
"I have to shave everyday...If I let it go for a week or more I almost have a full coat of hair."
"I'm sorry sir I wish it was covered but unfortunately it's not."
Then as he went to hang up the phone I heard a feral roar in the background, like Chewbacca on Star Wars. And it wasn't until then that I realized who I was talking to...the Sasquatch!! Maybe Saquatchism is a medical condition and not the missing link. Who knows...
Oh here is a picture of me on a camping vacation with my parents.
Until next time this is Leroy...Signing out.
"Good Morning this is Leroy how can I help you today?"
"Hi Leroy, this is Mr. Henderson. You can call me Harry. I need to see if laser hair removal is covered under my insurance policy."
"Well sir unfortunately not, laser hair removal is considered cosmetic and not related to an actual medical diagnosis."
"Oh but it is for a medical condition..It's not cosmetic."
"What is the medical condition sir?"
"I have extreme hair growth all over my body. It's really bad..."
"It's still cosmetic sir, it's not an actual disease or medical condition."
"You do not understand how much hair there is... When I shave I get horrible bumps all over my body."
"Yes sir that's razor burn common side affect of shaving."
"I have to shave everyday...If I let it go for a week or more I almost have a full coat of hair."
"I'm sorry sir I wish it was covered but unfortunately it's not."
Then as he went to hang up the phone I heard a feral roar in the background, like Chewbacca on Star Wars. And it wasn't until then that I realized who I was talking to...the Sasquatch!! Maybe Saquatchism is a medical condition and not the missing link. Who knows...
Oh here is a picture of me on a camping vacation with my parents.
Until next time this is Leroy...Signing out.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Swiper, No Swiping!!!
They moved me to a different area of customer service now. I still get general calls on people's health insurance every once in a while, but mainly I am taking Cafeteria Plan calls. A Cafeteria Plan is where someone elects to have a portion of each paycheck to be placed in a medical savings account. The benefit of it is its tax free and they can use the whole allotted amount for the year up front.
The problem with this whole plan is we give people a Visa card to pull money out of the account, but because it's tax free the IRS has guidelines that they have to send in a receipt for every single card swipe to make sure it was a valid medical expense. Hardly anyone saves these receipts. We will send out letters for 4 months asking for the receipts and if we don't receive them we deactivate the Visa card. This ticks people off and they act like we're some horrible company when its no ones fault but theirs. Whats really funny is what people try to do when they don't have a receipt...
"Morning this is Leroy, how can I help you today?"
"Hi this is Mr. Murphy, my Cafeteria Card is not working and I need to know why."
"Well from what I am showing sir there is a transaction on March 15Th of this year, we have sent you letters over the last 6 months asking for receipts and when we didn't receive a response we turned the card off."
"Where was the card swiped at?"
"Adam's Drugs..."
"I don't even go to Adam's Drugs!"
"Sir it shows every time you have swiped the card at a pharmacy it was at Adam's Drugs, you have used the card there 27 times this year actually."
"Oh, well this particular one on March 15Th is fraudulent I did not make that swipe."
"Sir that swipe was made at 10:15 am, you also used the card that day at Vision Center at 9:00 am and at Dr. Dre's office at 12:30 pm. You sent us receipts for those two charges."
"That doesn't mean I used it at Adam's Drugs!"
"Okay...So your telling me you went to Vision Center, then someone stole your card and used it at Adam's Drugs, then it magically appeared back in your wallet at Dr. Dre's office?"
"Yeah basically..."
"So your gonna go with that?"
"Better than what I was about to say.."
To this day I wonder what he was about to say to convince me he did not make that card swipe. I ended up sending him some fraudulent swipe claim papers that's like 30 pages long. He filled it out and sent it back to me. We pulled the receipts from the store and his signature matched perfectly. He is still saying he didn't do it.. Well, until next time, this is Leroy signing out.
The problem with this whole plan is we give people a Visa card to pull money out of the account, but because it's tax free the IRS has guidelines that they have to send in a receipt for every single card swipe to make sure it was a valid medical expense. Hardly anyone saves these receipts. We will send out letters for 4 months asking for the receipts and if we don't receive them we deactivate the Visa card. This ticks people off and they act like we're some horrible company when its no ones fault but theirs. Whats really funny is what people try to do when they don't have a receipt...
"Morning this is Leroy, how can I help you today?"
"Hi this is Mr. Murphy, my Cafeteria Card is not working and I need to know why."
"Well from what I am showing sir there is a transaction on March 15Th of this year, we have sent you letters over the last 6 months asking for receipts and when we didn't receive a response we turned the card off."
"Where was the card swiped at?"
"Adam's Drugs..."
"I don't even go to Adam's Drugs!"
"Sir it shows every time you have swiped the card at a pharmacy it was at Adam's Drugs, you have used the card there 27 times this year actually."
"Oh, well this particular one on March 15Th is fraudulent I did not make that swipe."
"Sir that swipe was made at 10:15 am, you also used the card that day at Vision Center at 9:00 am and at Dr. Dre's office at 12:30 pm. You sent us receipts for those two charges."
"That doesn't mean I used it at Adam's Drugs!"
"Okay...So your telling me you went to Vision Center, then someone stole your card and used it at Adam's Drugs, then it magically appeared back in your wallet at Dr. Dre's office?"
"Yeah basically..."
"So your gonna go with that?"
"Better than what I was about to say.."
To this day I wonder what he was about to say to convince me he did not make that card swipe. I ended up sending him some fraudulent swipe claim papers that's like 30 pages long. He filled it out and sent it back to me. We pulled the receipts from the store and his signature matched perfectly. He is still saying he didn't do it.. Well, until next time, this is Leroy signing out.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Waffles, Pancakes, and assorted Sausages...
Theres one thing I really hate about having to come to work in the morning. The fact that it is morning. I am just not a morning person I guess. First comes the average morning routine, wake up, shave, brush teeth, dig the eye boogers out, shower, and finally get ready for work. Somehow I get to work, ever end up somewhere and your like, "Did I really drive here? I don't remember the ride at all...did I sleep in my car all night again?" That happens to me everyday.
Then I sit down and log on my computer and check my blog and will myself to write a new one. Then the hens come in and start talking about what they had for breakfast. Pancakes, waffles, assorted sausages, bacon, grits, etc. All this talk of breakfast makes me so hungry that it becomes all I can think about. So after sitting and listening to the breakfast club conclude their meeting its time for me to take a call.
"Good morning Pancakes how can I help you today?"
"Umm... Hi, this is Mr. Hamm, I need to check to see why this claim rejected."
I am a moron, I can't believe I called this guy Pancakes, he prolly thinks I am gay and hitting on him, so I decide I might as well go with it at this point.
"Well sugar waffle...it looks likes this claim rejected because your only allowed 150$ for routine vision every 2 years and you used it all last year, darlin."
"Oh... well that explains it. Thanks for your help mam."
Stupid guy thought I was a woman. Until next time this is Grits with Cinnamon signing out. *skips away*
Then I sit down and log on my computer and check my blog and will myself to write a new one. Then the hens come in and start talking about what they had for breakfast. Pancakes, waffles, assorted sausages, bacon, grits, etc. All this talk of breakfast makes me so hungry that it becomes all I can think about. So after sitting and listening to the breakfast club conclude their meeting its time for me to take a call.
"Good morning Pancakes how can I help you today?"
"Umm... Hi, this is Mr. Hamm, I need to check to see why this claim rejected."
I am a moron, I can't believe I called this guy Pancakes, he prolly thinks I am gay and hitting on him, so I decide I might as well go with it at this point.
"Well sugar waffle...it looks likes this claim rejected because your only allowed 150$ for routine vision every 2 years and you used it all last year, darlin."
"Oh... well that explains it. Thanks for your help mam."
Stupid guy thought I was a woman. Until next time this is Grits with Cinnamon signing out. *skips away*
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Capt. 'Hot Aft' Leroy
As most everyone knows or should know yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day. Well working in a Customer Service Department answering phone calls and doing this all day would have gotten me fired, but because I am so dedicated to TLAPD I decided to do one call. Luckily the member didn't catch on and ask for my manager, or maybe it is true that everyone has a little pirate in them.
"Avast! This be Leroy, how can I be of service?"
"Good morning Leroy, this is Mrs. Jackson, I need to see if I have benefits for a routine colonoscopy? I have a family history of colon cancer and would like to have a screening."
"Arghh...I have a family history of booty problems, meself! Don't be dropping anchor just yet, I'll check to see if that's covered."
"Okay..."
"Alright Matey, Looks to me like a colon screening is covered under you health insurance policy. Hopefully you'll be having clear skies and sails full of wind!"
" Thanks for the information Leroy, you have a good day."
"You too lass, may your keels be full of haul and your seas as smooth as glass!"
Argg, that did tickle me wooden leg! Until next time, this is Capt 'Hot Aft' Leroy signing out!
"Avast! This be Leroy, how can I be of service?"
"Good morning Leroy, this is Mrs. Jackson, I need to see if I have benefits for a routine colonoscopy? I have a family history of colon cancer and would like to have a screening."
"Arghh...I have a family history of booty problems, meself! Don't be dropping anchor just yet, I'll check to see if that's covered."
"Okay..."
"Alright Matey, Looks to me like a colon screening is covered under you health insurance policy. Hopefully you'll be having clear skies and sails full of wind!"
" Thanks for the information Leroy, you have a good day."
"You too lass, may your keels be full of haul and your seas as smooth as glass!"
Argg, that did tickle me wooden leg! Until next time, this is Capt 'Hot Aft' Leroy signing out!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Hold me Gently Part II
In the customer service world we are graded on our calls in three areas. The first is talk time, which is how long the average of all our calls last, we have to keep this around two minutes and 45 seconds. Second is if we gave them the right information and third is how often we sign off the phone. I am a pro at talk time because I can multi-task really well and I try to never put people on hold.
The problem with never putting people on hold is that they are to used to being put on hold by everyone else in the whole world. So when I say, " Just a second while I pull that up!" They think I am no longer on the phone and won't hear anything they say because there is a few seconds of silence. I often hear very informing information on these slip ups, and they are almost always humorous. I have written a lot of these down and I thought I would share a few periodically.
"Just a second while I pull that up."
"Hey...whats that noise? Is that the Ice Cream Man?! Oh my God...I should just hang up right now and call back."
"Well I'm still here if you needa go thats fine, you can just call me back."
"Oh...*click*"
"Just a moment, I'll pull that up for you."
" HURRY UP! You have to act mean to these people or they wont do anything for you."
"I'm still here mam.."
" I am mad...and I am NOT acting now."
"I understand how you feel sir but give me one second to pull this up, thanks."
"He doesn't understand.. He doesn't know me. UUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Okay sir, I am back."
"So you have the claim up now?"
"Leroy, I am just not satisfied with that answer, can you look over it again?"
"Sure, give me just a moment to pull it back up."
"...THAT STUPID MOTHER #$@&*^, I JUST WANT TO RIP HIS FACE OFF AND THROW IT AGAINST A WALL OVER AND OVER AND OVER... UGHHH!!!"
"Yeah I didn't put you on hold yet mam."
*click*
What really kills me is people don't realize what all that phone receiver picks up. I can basically hear anyone talking in the room or what they are watching on T.V. What really kills me is people talking in the background to their spouse telling them what to say.
"I need to know why this particular claim rejected." (Wife)
"Okay let me pull that up for you." (Leroy)
"yeah find out why it's rejecting then freaking pay it. Why do we even have insurance. Ask him that!" (Husband in background)
"Well the claim is rejecting because a routine office visit is only covered once a year and this is the second one." (Leroy)
"Well why do I even have insurance then?" (Wife)
"Well you took it out with your employer, but they set these guidlines for us to follow" (Leroy)
"You ask him what you employer has to do with this!" (Husband in the background)
"Mam, ask your husband if he wants me to just talk to him." (Leroy)
"Oh...you can hear him?"(Wife)
"Yup...everything." (Leroy)
"No its okay I'll tell him to shut up and go in another room." (Wife)
So remember next time you break into song while your on "hold," you may not really be on hold. Until next time,
Leroy
The problem with never putting people on hold is that they are to used to being put on hold by everyone else in the whole world. So when I say, " Just a second while I pull that up!" They think I am no longer on the phone and won't hear anything they say because there is a few seconds of silence. I often hear very informing information on these slip ups, and they are almost always humorous. I have written a lot of these down and I thought I would share a few periodically.
"Just a second while I pull that up."
"Hey...whats that noise? Is that the Ice Cream Man?! Oh my God...I should just hang up right now and call back."
"Well I'm still here if you needa go thats fine, you can just call me back."
"Oh...*click*"
"Just a moment, I'll pull that up for you."
" HURRY UP! You have to act mean to these people or they wont do anything for you."
"I'm still here mam.."
" I am mad...and I am NOT acting now."
"I understand how you feel sir but give me one second to pull this up, thanks."
"He doesn't understand.. He doesn't know me. UUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Okay sir, I am back."
"So you have the claim up now?"
"Leroy, I am just not satisfied with that answer, can you look over it again?"
"Sure, give me just a moment to pull it back up."
"...THAT STUPID MOTHER #$@&*^, I JUST WANT TO RIP HIS FACE OFF AND THROW IT AGAINST A WALL OVER AND OVER AND OVER... UGHHH!!!"
"Yeah I didn't put you on hold yet mam."
*click*
What really kills me is people don't realize what all that phone receiver picks up. I can basically hear anyone talking in the room or what they are watching on T.V. What really kills me is people talking in the background to their spouse telling them what to say.
"I need to know why this particular claim rejected." (Wife)
"Okay let me pull that up for you." (Leroy)
"yeah find out why it's rejecting then freaking pay it. Why do we even have insurance. Ask him that!" (Husband in background)
"Well the claim is rejecting because a routine office visit is only covered once a year and this is the second one." (Leroy)
"Well why do I even have insurance then?" (Wife)
"Well you took it out with your employer, but they set these guidlines for us to follow" (Leroy)
"You ask him what you employer has to do with this!" (Husband in the background)
"Mam, ask your husband if he wants me to just talk to him." (Leroy)
"Oh...you can hear him?"(Wife)
"Yup...everything." (Leroy)
"No its okay I'll tell him to shut up and go in another room." (Wife)
So remember next time you break into song while your on "hold," you may not really be on hold. Until next time,
Leroy
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Morning Woody!
A long time ago in a far far away place I worked at Arby's, a fast food restraunt. It was about a week after the movie Toy Story came out and we had toys in our kid's meals promoting the movie. All we got were Buzz Lightyears. It was about 15 minutes until we closed so I had everyone cleaning and I was taking orders and getting things together for the 1 or 2 customers we had at that time. Then this young lady came in with her little boy and his eyes lit up at the posters on the wall with all the toys shown on them.
"MOM! I want a Woody!"
I just shook my head because I knew this was going to be bad. The lady came up to place her order.
"Yes I want a numer one combo for myself and a kids meal with the chicken nuggets, can I get a Woody with the nuggets?"
"I'm sorry mam but I don't have a Woody...all I got is Buzz Lightyears."
"MOM I WANT A WOODY!"
" Just a minute son..Listen sir, he has his mind set on the Woody, I really need a woody if you have one."
" I wish I did have a Woody mam I would certaintly give it to you willingly, but I don't. I'm so sorry."
"Can I speak to your manager? I know that sometimes you can only release them at certain times and I want to ask him if he has a Woody hidden away some where."
"I am the manager and I can assure you that if I had a Woody it wouldn't be hidden, I would have it right out in the open, but I tell you what I can give you one of these posters that have the Woody on it."
"Well...that would work. Thanks for all your help."
I was glad to get out of that situation, I had to go wash my hands afterward because I felt so dirty but I was glad to be out of it. Well with my new job I figured I wouldn't ever have to endure such a situation again, boy was I wrong. For the last few weeks anywhere from 5 to 8 callers a day mistake my name for something else.
"Good morning this is Leroy may I have your name please?"
"Oh Hi Woody, this is John from Walanche Bank..."
Leroy doesnt even sound like WOODY!!!
"Good Morning this is Leroy how can i help you today?"
"Mornin' Woody!"
There must be some magical fairy or gremlin coming in on the line like those cheesy voice overs on movies with bad words played on public T.V.
"You stupid mother CHEESE." And it was a girl saying it but CHEESE was in a guys voice, maybe someone is going,"Good morning this is WOODY, how can I help you?"
I donno, but until next time, this is WOODY signing out.
"MOM! I want a Woody!"
I just shook my head because I knew this was going to be bad. The lady came up to place her order.
"Yes I want a numer one combo for myself and a kids meal with the chicken nuggets, can I get a Woody with the nuggets?"
"I'm sorry mam but I don't have a Woody...all I got is Buzz Lightyears."
"MOM I WANT A WOODY!"
" Just a minute son..Listen sir, he has his mind set on the Woody, I really need a woody if you have one."
" I wish I did have a Woody mam I would certaintly give it to you willingly, but I don't. I'm so sorry."
"Can I speak to your manager? I know that sometimes you can only release them at certain times and I want to ask him if he has a Woody hidden away some where."
"I am the manager and I can assure you that if I had a Woody it wouldn't be hidden, I would have it right out in the open, but I tell you what I can give you one of these posters that have the Woody on it."
"Well...that would work. Thanks for all your help."
I was glad to get out of that situation, I had to go wash my hands afterward because I felt so dirty but I was glad to be out of it. Well with my new job I figured I wouldn't ever have to endure such a situation again, boy was I wrong. For the last few weeks anywhere from 5 to 8 callers a day mistake my name for something else.
"Good morning this is Leroy may I have your name please?"
"Oh Hi Woody, this is John from Walanche Bank..."
Leroy doesnt even sound like WOODY!!!
"Good Morning this is Leroy how can i help you today?"
"Mornin' Woody!"
There must be some magical fairy or gremlin coming in on the line like those cheesy voice overs on movies with bad words played on public T.V.
"You stupid mother CHEESE." And it was a girl saying it but CHEESE was in a guys voice, maybe someone is going,"Good morning this is WOODY, how can I help you?"
I donno, but until next time, this is WOODY signing out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
